Tinder date #1: Meeting the Tourist

Let me start off with some information about me:

  • I’m your average Japanese girl.
  • Short and kinda chubby.

Who am I kidding, I’m only average in my height. Everything else is either below or above average. And I love it.

So here is my first Tinder date in Tokyo.

He was a tourist from the U.S., staying at a dorm in his friend’s room. Against dorm rules, wow what a rebel.

He was three years older than me, really into I.T., liked snowboarding, and a cat person. I’m more of a dog person, so that should have been a red flag for me.

We bonded over our love for Rick and Morty, and after five days of messaging, he told me that tomorrow was his last day in Japan. After a flurry of “why now?! Stay in Japan longer!” and “I wish I could, but my college duty calls”, I found out that he was living in a nearby college dorm.

Shit like this happens in real life, I guess.

So we set up a meeting at 7:00 AM, because I had class from 8:50 AM, and met in front of his dorm. He seemed to not be aware that he talks to himself because after I said hi, he circled around me and muttered “cute”. Which was honestly, adorable.

I really liked him. Period. I tend to overdramatize things, but I felt like he was the coolest guy I’ve ever met. He did the cliche “which would you rather fight: one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?”, but I liked how casual he was in our early morning date. It was nice.

I had a Japanese test right after, so I hugged him and then left. We didn’t really do anything except for grabbing some lunch at the nearby convenience store and walking around his college dorm.

While I sat in the dry classroom, scribbling illegible kanji and hiragana, I wished I had pecked him on the cheek to show him my interest. But I didn’t.

And that’s how this honestly ends. We added each other on Facebook, so I usually initiate a conversation once every blue moon to check in but the conversation lulls when we start going into the romantic stuff. He ends up just looking at the message, and never replies. I always tell myself that this makes sense, because we live in different continents and that we only met once.

But even after going on three more Tinder dates after him, I realized that he was the best Tinder guy I’ve matched with.

Tindering Away in Tokyo Town

First of all, it sucks to use Tinder in Tokyo.

Period.

Especially when your native language is English and your Japanese level is constrained to “Hai” and “Arigato gozaimasu” at the convenience store.

There are six types of Tinder guys here:

 

Wanna fuck?

” [insert line profile name and some of his hobbies which always include EDM]”

  • The guys who use Tinder for what is was made for: hook-ups.
  • These guys usually aren’t that great in English, but the movies from ‘murica certainly taught them how to flirt.
  • I don’t know why, but these guys always seem to use photos of themselves with the weird snapchat filter or the photobooth “purikura” versions of themselves.
  • Honestly, I don’t get it. They look like aliens.
  • More often than not, these dudes are Japanese.
  • But coming back to the fucking, these boys will ask you out of nowhere.
  • After a few minutes of chatting in broken English about the recent weather and tv shows, BOOM. He suddenly turns into a sex-crazed monster with beautiful, eloquent descriptions of what he wants to do, where he wants to do it, and when he wants to meet you.
  • Usually, I just ignore the message and move on.
  • So much for nice guys, huh.

 

Teach me Engrish.

“I like to learn languages, and will visit New York City, USA, in September.”

  • They are my worst enemy.
  • My own profile is written in English, so it’s fair to assume that they would think I’m some kind of ESL teacher. But the thing is, I’m not.
  • And I’m usually struggling to buy food because of how horrible my management skills are, so I am only interested in teaching them English if they are willing to pay me.
  • Seriously.
  • They also tend to be Japanese, big surprise there.

 

The Tourist

“Hey! Traveling around Asia for a month, hmu for some soju and sake!”

  • These guys tend to break my pigeon-sized heart in a few messages.
  • They always seem so cultured, so interested in traveling around Tokyo with you when you bring up those maid cafes you want to go to in Akihabara, and yet they remind you.
  • “I really wish I matched with you earlier, but I’m on my way to Narita airport right now.”
  • And you just wish you could stop having those mini-romance visions of those boys’ profiles.
  • I always end up messaging them until they board their plane, lamenting about how late we are in meeting with each other, that we both seem like wonderful people, and to “please oh god please message me when you come back.”
  • Maybe it’s because I’m in Japan, but I like to dramatize this scene in my head by imagining myself as Madama Butterfly in her flowing kimono while he sails off into the distant seas.

 

The Memer

“I enjoy [ambiguous screamo bands] and long walks down the cereal aisle”

  • The honest to god, nice guys on Tinder.
  • What they want is a solid connection through memes.
  • Seems innocent enough, right?
  • I don’t want to be the boring betty here, but after a while these chats get old.
  • “HEY GUURL HAVE YOU SEEN THE RECENT YOUTUBE VID ABOUT WHATEVER”
  • And you have to break it to them that you’ve been busy going grocery shopping   –and that you kinda enjoyed 9GAG a few years ago, but you would rather talk about something else than just memes.
  • DO NOT ADD THESE PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK.
  • They just tag you in meme photos, clog up your notifications, and when you don’t answer back within 10 minutes, accuse you of giving them the “silent treatment”.
  • I have had the noble experience of being unfriended by these guys before, right after three days of friending him.

 

The U.S. Army Guy

“Hope I can make some Japanese friends”

  • These guys are either just never responsive or are too responsive that you feel like they are on Tinder 24/7.
  • Usually, they’re pretty cool.
  • The guys who are really responsive tend to be a avid gamer (twitch accounts, overwatch ftw) or are being relocated in a few hours(had this experience once, he sent me his Facebook account link after a minute of messaging. Never added him.)
  • Give that dude a chance, and more often than not he’ll be that one cute guy you are messaging at night. *wink*

 

The Exchange Student

“Name: [Some non-Japanese name]

From: [Some other country usually it’s a European country idk why]

Just a young man on his journey through life, follow me on my path to success or stay out”

  • Its a hit or miss on this one.
  • He can be a real fuck boy or just a needy guy.
  • When it’s a fuck boy, he seems really cool. He tells you how crazy it was at WOMB(the club) yesterday, and that he’s really sorry about his drunk texting.
  • Your heart flutters for a second because you’ve already checked his Facebook(just to be sure) and he seems like he has friends and hobbies.
  • But then he ends up only messaging you for those booty calls, so you just ignore him.
  • When it’s a needy guy, he seems sweet at the start. He treats you like that fragile glass sculpture, and he doesn’t give a f*ck about coming off as too needy so he messages you first.
  • Constantly.
  • Every day.
  • To the point where you feel like you are oversaturated with his “hey”s and just want to turn off all notifications on your phone.
  • But you message him back because you want to seem nice, not to be on that reddit page of “fake ass b*tches and hoes on Tinder”.
  • I have to admit, I’m a chicken in ignoring messages from these guys. Usually I just tell them that I’m going to be busy for a while, and then stop replying back.
  • Even if you add them on facebook and LINE, they’re too nice to write anything mean in public so just beware of your private messages.
  • They can accuse you of “leading them on” for netflix and chill, and that you probably “deserve to be a fuck toy for those old Japanese men”.
  • I don’t really have a good experience with most exchange students.

 

Well, there you have it! The six (overgeneralized) types of Tinder guys you’ll meet on Tinder! Happy swiping, and be safe! Ganbatte~